WHAT?!!! Questions (Questions That Will Make You Go WHAT?!!!)

Did you know that everybody in the whole wide world has a koala bear assigned to them?

WHAT?!!! How can that be possible!?

It's not my job to answer the questions. It's your job to answer them. So, here's another question: What do you think about the fact that the world is about to be taken over by aliens disguised as cats?

WHAT?!!! How can that be possible!? There's no such thing as aliens! But I did always know cats had a thing for stuff like this.

So you instinctively know that cats are evil?

DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So how do you know that cats aren't really space aliens?

Uh, look at my 3rd sentence two answers ago.

What proof do you have there's no such thing as aliens?

Uh, well... let me see here, umm- scientests...hmmm. ?????

Scientests? What do you mean scientests? Whatta you talking about?

Answer to question number one: ? Answer to question number two: I mean... I don't know. Answer to question number three: I have no idea. 

Maybe we should change the question: How many pankakes do you need to build a doghouse?

WHAT?!!! Well, I've never acctually tried to build a doghouse, let alone with pancakes.

The answer is seven. You know why?

No.

Because ice cream has no bones.

WHAT?!!!

Next question: Did you know that some scientests think that every time you make a decision like which shirt to wear today, the universe splits in two, and in one universe you wear the blue shirt and in the other universe you wear the green shirt? What do you think of that?

WHAT?!!!

Have you gotten you koala bear yet?

No. You're weird. Good-bye.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Donuts Part 3

Ruby walked over to Mallory Magoo's house. She was her best friend, and Ruby thought the Mayor was just too grumpy. She knocked on the front door of The Magoos' house, and Mallory opened the door.

 "Hey, Mally!" said Ruby. "Wanna help me-" PLOP! A donut fell onto her head.

 "WHAT THE HECK!" said Mallory. 

 "That's why I'm here! Because of these!"

 "What are they?"

 "DONUTS!" 

 Mallory just stared at Ruby.

 "So why are you here again?"asked Mallory.

 "I need your help telling the whole town about donuts!" said Ruby.

"So you want me to help you warn everybody about these 'donut' things falling out of the sky?" asked Mallory. "'Cause that's a good idea, they seem awful dangerous."

"They're not dangerous," replied Ruby, "they're delicious!"

"How do you know they're delicious?" asked Mallory.

"I tried a bite of one!" said Ruby.

"You what????" yelled Mallory. "Don't you know how dangerous it is to taste things that fall out of the sky?"

"Snow's not dangerous." said Ruby.

"You don't even know where that snow has been!" said Mallory.

"Can we please get back to the subject of delicious donuts falling from the sky?" asked Ruby. "This one has chocolate frosting on it!"

"How do you know it's chocolate frosting?" asked Mallory suspiciously. "Maybe it's brown paint, or brown shoe polish."

Ruby licked the donut. Mallory screamed.

"Nope, that's chocolate." said Ruby.

Mallory didn't hear Ruby since she was still screaming. Ruby decided there was only one thing to do. She carefully slid the donut into Mallory's open mouth. Once it was in, she carefully closed her mouth, pushing her lower jaw upwards with her finger. 

Mallory screamed once again, but the donut muffled the sound. Suddenly her eyes got as big as baseballs. "Hmmmm!" she said. "Tat's willy gud." she mumbled.
Suddenly another donut fell from the sky. It hit Mallory on the head, and bounced into her hands. 

It was chocolate cream-filled.
Mallory and Ruby took the donut and went out to tell the whole town about donuts.
Mrs. Pillowinger was the first person they saw. Mrs Pillowinger had a little Yorkie named Fuzzball. Fuzzball started barking like mad when he saw them. Mrs. Pillowinger came to the door and shouted "Shush up, Fuzzball!" with a loud screechy voice. Then she saw the girls. Suddenly she was very calm and polite.

"Well hello, young ladies." She said, this time with a very smooth and silky voice. "What an unexpected surprise."

"What in the world is going on, Maggie? I thought Carl's cat was attacking Fuzzball again!" said Mr. Pillowinger.

You see, Mr. and Mrs. Pillowinger are two different people. I see that it's obvious they were two different people, but I mean Maggie Pillowinger was really tall and extremely skinny, while Frank Pillowinger was really short and extremely fat.   

Suddenly Mr. Pillowinger noticed the girls. He was surprised to see them. "Well hello, young ladies." he said.

"Hello, Mr. Pillowinger." Said the girls at the same time. "Hello, Mrs. Pillowinger." 

"What have you got there?" asked Mrs. Pillowinger.

"We have something very surprising to tell you." said Mallory.

"And very delicious." said Ruby.

"Oh," asked Mr. Pillowinger, "Did you bring nachos?" 

"Nope," said Ruby "we've got donuts."

"Well, actually, we've only got one." said Mallory.

"We'll have more soon." said Ruby.

PLOP! Another donut fell out of the sky, and hit Fuzzball right on the head. Fuzzball's head was so small, and the donut was so big, that it slipped right over his head, and around his neck, like a strawberry glazed collar.

"What kind of low-heath food is that?!" asked Mrs. Pillowinger.

"I know exactly what kind of food that is! And they're delicious all right! It's a...It's a...It's a...I give up. What is it?" asked Mr Pillowinger.

"It's a donut!" cried the two girls at the same time.

"Jinx! You owe me a coke!" they both yelled.

"No, you owe me a coke!" they both said at the same time.

"Jinx again!" They yelled. "You owe me a six pack of cokes!"

"Ladies, ladies, you can't say that." said Mr. Pillowinger.

"Why not?" asked Ruby.

"Because the word 'Coke' is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola company." said Mr. Pillowinger. "And they don't want you using it just willy-nilly."

"Seriously?" asked Mallory. "It's one of the most popular drinks in the world."

"Yes," agreed Mrs. Pillowinger, "and it got that way by protecting it's brand."

"What?" asked Mallory.

"That means they don't want you to say the word 'coke' unless you mean 'Coca Cola.'" said Mr. Pillowinger.

"Well, what do you think we meant?" asked Ruby.

"Hey, maybe we could make it a product placement." Said Mallory.

"Yeah!" Agreed Ruby. "Coke! Coke! Coke! Now they gotta pay us, right?"

"I don't think it works that way." said Mrs. Pillowinger.

"I very much agree, Maggie dear." said Mr. Pillowinger.

"Why not?" asked Ruby. 

"Well ladies, when you say 'Coke or 'Coca Cola' you don't get payed just for saying it." said Mrs. Pillowinger.

"Then why are we giving them a free plug?" asked Malory. "Lets just stop saying it."

"Yeah, let's get back to the donuts." said Ruby.

Ruby explained to Mr and Mrs Pillowinger how the donut fell out of the sky and she had found it. She told them how she went to the mayor, but he had no interest in it.
"Can I try some?" asked Mr. Pillowinger.
"No! Frank! No! Please!" cried Mrs. Pillowinger.
"What's the matter?" asked Mr. Pillowinger. "Why can't I have some? They look delicious!"
"They are delicious!" said Ruby.
"Just trust us!" said Mallory.
"Trust you!?" said Mrs. Pillowinger. "And who are you? Just two little girls bringing possibly poison pastries to our innocent home."
"Oh, Maggie, they're just sweet little girls. They aren't trying to hurt us."
"Of course not!" said Mallory.
"If you don't trust us, we'll just go on to the next house." said Ruby.
"Be my guest." Said Mrs. Pillowinger. "Go on, get out of here with your 'donut.'" "Wait!" said Mr. Pillowinger. "I'd like to try one!"
"No!" Said Mrs. Pillowinger firmly. "They haven't been approved by the government yet. How do you know they don't cause cancer?"
"You think everything causes cancer." grumbled Mr. Pillowinger as he turned around and walked back into the house.
Mrs. Pillowinger glared at him as he left. Then she turned back to the girls and said, "Go peddle your poisonous pastries elsewhere." And with that she slammed the door.
"Well!" said Mallory.
"I never!" said Ruby.
"How about we go to the Johnson house next?" said Mallory, as they walked down the sidewalk.
"But they're the richest people in town!" said Ruby.
"Right!" said Mallory. "They can..." but she never got to finish her sentence. Why? Because just then they heard "Ca-caw! Ca-Caw!" coming from a window on the side of the Pillowinger house. They looked over, and saw Mr. Pillowinger trying to sneak out the window. But he got stuck. So now he was trying to get their attention by pretending to be a parrot. He kept saying "Ca-Caw! Ca-Caw!"
"What are you doing?" Asked Ruby.
"Shhhh!" hissed Mr. Pillowinger. "I just want to get a bite of that donut thing you've got there. It looks so delicious."
Ruby pulled off a chunk of the donut. It had a lot of chocolate frosting on it. She gave it to Mr. Pillowinger.
He stuffed it in his mouth. "Kanks!" he cried. "Dat's welly gud." he said with his mouth full. The girls smiled at him, and left him there, halfway out the window, with a great big glob of donut in his mouth. As they turned the corner they heard Mrs. Pillowinger screech. "FRANK"
"Poor Mr. Pillowinger." said Ruby.
"Well, at least he got to try a donut." Said Mallory. "So, lets go see the Johnsons."

The Johnsons had two kids. They had a 12 year old girl and a six year old boy. The girl was named Violet. And her brother's name was Michael.  

Ruby knocked on the Johnson door. Violet came to the door with headphones around her neck and was holding a small CD player.

"Hey, girlfriends."said Violet."What's up?"

"This!" said Ruby, holding up the donut. "We came to tell you-" but she never got to finish her sentence. Why? Because just then it started raining. But not the regular wet- watery-rain. It started raining DONUTS!!!!!!!! 

"What the HECK!!!!!!!" screamed Violet. 

Then Michael ran out the door, knocking Violet down.

He dived into a pile of jelly donuts, covering the girls with strawberry, grape, and raspberry jelly.  

"Michael Raymond Percy Johnson!" cried Violet."What do you think you've done?!"

"I think I squirted you with jelly, Violet Faith Rose Johnson." replied Michael.

"You think mom'll have something to say about this?"

"Nooooooooooo!!!!" screamed Michael, running into the house.

"Tell Brittany to start up a warm bath for me!" cried Violet.

"The Harold's dog !!?"cried Michael.

"No,silly! The house keeper!"replied Violet. 

Ruby looked at Mallory. Mallory looked at Ruby.

"Is that what happens in this house every day?" Ruby whispered to Mallory.

Mallory shrugged.

"I don't think the Johnson's are gonna be much help." she said.

"What should we do now?" asked Ruby.

"We should go tell everyone else in town." said Mallory.

"But how?" asked Ruby. "We can't just go by foot, door-to-door. We've had so much drama, and we've only told two houses."

"Technically, we've only explained it to one." said Mallory.

"Exactly! So, how are we going to hit every house in town without spending fifteen hours walking and talking?" asked Ruby.

"I know! We can hack my mom's Facebook account and post it online." suggested Mallory. And that's exactly what they did. And they got 608 likes. And everybody in town ran outside and grabbed as many donuts as they could. Except for the Pillowingers, courtesy of Mrs. Pillowinger.

                                                          THE END

SPACE ADVENTURE

This is the story of two astronauts who went to discover the unknown planets. One was named Kylie, and the other was named Charlie. While Kylie looked at the map, Charlie drove. They headed off into a place that was most unusual. It had seven planets and five moons. Kylie and Charlie landed on the first planet. That planet was called planet Alien.

They saw crowded towns full of aliens. There are more aliens here than on any other planet.

"Boy are these streets crowded." Said Charlie. He was standing in the middle of a street that seemed to have over a hundred aliens on it. Kylie nodded. She was sitting on a bench on the side of the crowded street.

Charlie was looking at some slime on the side of the street. Just then, an alien bumped into him. Apparently, the alien had a much stronger force than Charlie, so Charlie fell into the slime.
"Youch!" Charlie cried.

"Yuck!" Said Kylie.

"Why thank you! That's very nice of you." Charlie said sarcastically to the alien.

"You're welcome." Said the alien. "You looked like you needed some slime."

"I didn't need any slime!" said Charlie.

"What are you talking about?" said the alien. "Everybody needs slime. My name's, Allen, by the way."

"Allen Bytheway?" Asked Charlie. "That's a weird name."

"Not Allen 'Bytheway.' Just plain 'Allen.'"

"So, you're Allen the Alien?" asked Charlie.

"Come on, Charlie," said Kylie. "We better explore these other planets."

"Oh, let me help you!" Said Allen.

"Well, it would be nice to have a guide." Said Kylie. So they got back into their rocket ship and left planet Alien.

They flew off the planet, and then they landed on one of the moons. The moons were very small compared to the other planets.

"Wow!" Kylie said, "This is some moon!"

"There's four more of them." Said Charlie.

All of a sudden one moon disappeared. "Did you see that?" asked Kylie. "That moon just disappeared!"

"You're right! There are only four moons now!" Charlie replied.

"Oh, not again!" cried Allen "There used to be seven moons! Now we're down to four."

Then Kylie saw a small, tiny figure walking on the moon not far away with a small, tiny shovel. He was a small, black thing with a big brown fox tail. He had small beady, red, eyes. He was also wearing a yellow hardhat.

"It must be those little pests!" Said Allen.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Charlie. "How could anyone that small make a whole moon disappear?"

"You've never heard of the Holers?" Asked Allen.

"No, we just got here." Said Charlie.

"Well, the Holers are these pesky little things that dig holes everywhere they go!" explained Allen.

"A gal's gotta dig where a gal's gotta dig." Said the Holer, in a high sqeaky voice.

"They dug so many holes on their own planet," said Allen, "They ran out of land to dig in. Now their whole planet is one big hole."

"That makes no sense." Said Charlie.

"Their planet looks like a doughnut... with lots of holes in it." said Allen.

"I thought you said it was just one big hole." said Kylie.

"It is one big hole." said Allen. "With lots of little holes inside it."

"I'm sorry, but you've lost it." Said Charlie.

"It's sort of a hole, within a hole." Said the Holer. "Within another hole, that's inside a larger hole."

"I think he's lost it too." Said Charlie.

"We get it," said Kylie. "You have a holey planet."

"No, we don't read the Bible." said the Holer.

"Not that type of holy. I mean holeish holey." said Kylie.

"Everybody stand back." Said the Holer. "I'm getting ready to dig a hole here." And he held up his very tiny shovel.

"No way, mister!" Said Allen. "You're not going to destroy this moon, like you did the other three!"

"How can he destroy this moon?" Asked Kylie. "Look how tiny his shovel is!"

Allen ran over and took the shovel out of his hands. "You don't understand!" He cried. "These shovels look small, but they can dig big holes!"

"I think this whole universe has lost it!" said Charlie.

"Give me back that shovel you, you, you thing from another planet!" yelled the Holer.

"No way!" said Allen. "You don't deserve a shovel! All you do is dig holes with it, and terrorize us!"

"But that's what a shovel is for!" Cried the Holer. "Besides, we have to dig holes. You just don't understand."

"Why do you have to dig holes all the time?" Asked Kylie. "Is there a wicked witch robot queen that is forcing you to destroy the universe by digging holes everywhere?"

"Not quite." said the Holer. "Let me tell you our story."

"Wait," said Charlie. "First, tell us your name."

"My name is very hard to say." said the Holer. "It's really long."

"We can wait." said Charlie.

"Ok, here goes, my name is Prezeltella-mapelbara-dolfinolo-gofobroko-delopinata. But you can call me Pinny."

"A girl's name?" Said Allen.

"So? I'm a girl ain't I?" said Pinny

"Sorry, I couldn't tell." said Allen.

"Well, the only difference is a girl's tail is shorter than a boy's. And we're nicer than the boys."

"Well, tell us your story." said Kylie.

"Okay." said Pinny. "It all started about five years ago, back when our planet was called Planet Friendly, a strange visitor came to our land. She was weird. She had bright red hair, yellow eyes, three noses and no tail at all. She looked very sick. And we all felt sorry for her. And because we were the Friendly planet, we just had to help her."

"That's very nice." said Kylie.

"What's that got to do with all the holes?" said Allen.

"She told us the only way to make her well was to make medicine out of the juice of a living fire diamond." explained Pinny.

"That explains why you dig all those holes." said Allen.

"What's a living fire diamond?" said Charlie.

"It's the rarest, most powerful, and most valuable diamond in the whole universe." said Pinny.

"Please don't say the words 'hole' and 'universe' together." Said Allen.

"No, Allen," said Kylie, "I think Pinny means 'whole universe,' not 'hole universe.'"

"I don't understand." said Allen. "You're not going to put a hole in the whole universe, are you!"

"Never mind." said Kylie.

"Well, we said we would look for the living fire diamond, and we started digging. We found lots of regular diamonds, but they don't have any juice left in them. We took them to her, and she said, 'Oh Pish! These aren't living fire diamonds.' but she kept them anyway."

"Then what happened?" asked Charlie.

"Well, we just kept looking for it." said Pinny. "Eventually we dug up our entire planet, without finding anything. So now we have to dig up the moons. And when they are gone, we'll keep looking. We'll dig up all the planets if we have to."

"But why?" said Kylie.

"Because we're the Friendly Planet, and we have to help." said Pinny.

"I think she's just pretending." said Charlie.

"What is she pretending?" asked Pinny.

"She's pretending to be sick!" said Charlie.

"Why would she do that?" asked Allen.

"To make you take care of her," said Charlie. "And if you do find the living fire diamond, she'll probably take it to her own planet to become rich."

"Oh, that would be terrible." Said Kylie.

"She's already pretty rich with all the regular old diamonds you found for her." Said Allen.

"That's true," said Pinny, "I bet she has at least five dollars."

"It sounds like she's got a lot more than that." said Charlie.

"Five dollars could buy six planets, two rocket ships, fifteen spricklefigs, and a couple of eemoggs." said Allen.

"What's a spricklefig?" asked Kylie.

"What's an eemogg?" asked Charlie.

"A spricklefig is just a fig with sprickles all over it." said Allen.

"That explains a lot." said Charlie, sarcastically.

"It's a little tiny animal that looks like a fig, but it has a cold. It sneezes through the sprickles on it's back." Said Pinny. "They are very rare, and very expensive."

"And what's an eemogg?" Asked Kylie.

"Let's just say you don't want to get one on your carpet." Said Allen.

"Yeah," said Pinny. "That's gross."

"Why?" asked Kylie and Charlie.

"I don't want to talk about it." Said Allen.

"Neither do I." Said Pinny. "It's not polite."

Just then they heard an angry voice yelling Pinny's name: "Prezeltella-mapelbara-dolfinolo-gofobroko-delopinata! Get back to work!"

"What was that?" asked Kylie.

"Who ever it was, they scream like a Banshee." said Charlie.

"It was Mrs. Pruniski. The sick lady I was telling you about." said. Pinny.

"She doesn't sound very sick to me." Said Allen.

"Digger Prezeltella!" shouted the voice. "My sensors show you haven't dug a hole in almost five minutes! What is the meaning of this?"

"Sorry, Mrs. Pruniski." Said Pinny. "I was just talking to my new friends."

"Oh, that's alright then," said the voice. "you go ahead and have a nice long chat with your friends. I know I'll be alright. I probably won't die for another ten minutes or so, so you just finish up your little chit-chat."

"I'd better get to work." said Pinny, sadly.

"Oh, no..." Said the voice. "You just keep talking with your friends. I suppose I'll be alright. It's not like I'll DIE if you don't find a living fire diamond. Oh, wait, YES I WILL!"

Suddenly Pinny's shovel began to light up, and make a high pitched whine.

"What's happening?" Asked Charlie.

"She must have activated my shovel!" Shouted Pinny.

"What's that mean?" Shouted Kylie.

"It means that..." but Pinny never got to finish her sentence. Suddenly there was a huge hole in the ground beneath their feet. They all started to fall.

TO BE CONTINUED IN SPACE ADVENTURE PART II.